Lost and Heartbroken
by Miss Ginny Weasley
Summary: The thoughts of someone who is both lost and heartbroken. How can she stand to be around the one who broke her for example? R


**Lost and brokenhearted**

I know everybody thinks I'm a bitch and I guess they're right. I haven't been myself in so many years. I've tried, I swear, I really have but... I can't smile anymore. I can't laugh, I can't be happy.  
I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't trust my family, I don't trust men. I barely trust myself and I can tell you, it's not a good feeling, always checking the surroundings to see where the closest way out is.  
When he... When **they** did that to me, I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die. But I didn't, well part of me did but I was still alive.  
I can't watch people express their feelings or affection anymore. It breaks my already broken heart.  
I had everything I ever wanted but now... I don't have anything. I lost it all because of his decisions and actions. To have to see **them** everyday and have to do whatever he tells me to, it's close to unbearable. But I can't disobey 's the worst thing with all of this. That the man who hurt me so bad, he is also the man who gets to tell me what to do and what not to do. He ruined my life and now he runs it.  
Some of them tries to hide their thoughts but others doesn't care if they hurt me but I guess I deserve it. I'm not fun to be around, I know I'm not, because I don't want people to get to close to me again. I'm afraid they'll hurt me just like they did. Most people would think that the pack knows all about they way I hurt and all my pain but they don't. Not just because they're retards but also because the only feeling I'm showing them in any way is hate. I never let my guard down, it's the worst thing that could happen. I don't know what I would do if anyone found out how much I hurt and how I really feel. It's better to have people fear you then have them pity you. They don't know anything about how I feel! And I don't want their pity, it doesn't help me if they feel bad for me.  
I'm wishing that those freaking blood-suckers will move away from here, far away, so that I can stop phasing and never have to see him again, never have to do what he tells me too. I'm always dreaming of how it would be to be the one who decides what I'm going to do and not have to check with someone before I do it. To actually be my own person. Before I became part of the pack I didn't cherish my freedom, I didn't know anything else.  
I hate him! I really do! He has taken the real me and hidden it in the dirt just like he did to my heart after he cut it out of my chest, broke it in a million pieces, threw it on the ground and walked all over it. And then he dares to tell me that he still loves me! How can he love me when he loves her? The truth is... He can't. So every word he says is a lie.

"Sam she's not dangerous! We can't kill her!" Jake says.  
"We have too" Sam answers.  
"To get to her, you'll have to get past me" Jake growls and leaves the house.  
Everybody looks at Sam until Seth, my brother!, runs out of the house, after Jake.  
"They did not just leave the pack" Jarred mumbles in disbelief but we all hear it. "That little..."  
"Don't you dare insult either of them!" I growl. "And yes, they did. And so do I." I walk out of the house just like the two others did before me.  
I run into the forest and find them in the outskirts but still far enough in that they can't be seen from the house.  
"Seth, go back" Jake says.  
"No, I wanna be part of your pack" Seth says with his arms crossed over his chest.  
"Seth..." Jake starts.  
"No need to fight it Jake, you're the alpha of your own pack now. And we're it" I say, interrupting him.  
"Okay" he sighs after one long look at me. "Come on." And all three of us run deeper into the forest.  
This is good. Maybe, in time, I'll be able to find my real self again. In time.

* * *

**A/N: What do you think?  
I know it's pretty short but... I had nothing more to write.  
I'm getting inspiration again so I'll try to write more again, I know I haven't in a while. But I will now.  
The girl Jake's talking about is Bella, I guess. I don't remember what they say when Jake leaves the pack and I know it doesn't happen this fast or this way but this is my story and I wanted it this way =)  
Thanks for reading =) Hope you enjoyed =)  
Reviews are always welcome =)**

**Love  
Miss Ginny Weasley**


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